wtf - a matter of losing

just last week, i posted a song of the week into LJ - angels flying too close by beth rowley, originally by willie nelson from the movie honeysuckle rose.

the lyrics goes like this -
If you had not have fallen
Then I would not have found you
Angel flying too close to the ground
And I patched up your broken wing
And hung around a while
Tried to keep your spirits up
And your fever down
I knew someday that you would fly away
For love's the greatest healer to be found
So leave me if you need to
I will still remember
Angel flying too close to the ground
Fly on, fly on past the speed of sound
I'd rather see you up
Than see you down
Leave me if you need to
I will still remember
Angel flying too close to the ground

a friend msn me and asked me if i'm alright and cos the song I put up was emo and sounded like i just lost someone. I posted that song cos I thought it was a beautiful song, and reminded me about the people who made a difference in my life who no longer in contact or we have other priorities in life. but then it the thing is, some people who we shared a part of our lives and time, when they go away, we drift away silently.

i have a situation right now, i can't comprehend, and eating me up. it even feels like a bad breakup, with a friend, but what's not enough, i felt that i have lost another close friend in the process.

in a nutshell, I was my close friend here in SG. He was introduced by Ad about 6 months ago. We would hang out, together or with his friends. Movies, lunch, dinners, blading, plays, musicals, we would just do together. As i told my friends, he's like my platonic bf, cos the things we do together. in that aspect, i appreciate his company and friendship. along the way, i developed feelings liking him more than a friend. well, the thing is, i know that I doesn't feel the same way, but sometimes, his actions makes me wonder. so two weeks back, I popped the question, and from there on, everything starts falling apart. i introduced I to miss k, and now they've hit off, watching movies together, going for concerts, and all in all, i felt like i've lost two friends.

The above was written about two months back 10 August, and i never got around publishing it. guess it was something i'm not ready to share out publicly (not that there is anyone really reading this blog, just checked counter - 25 views, which most probably my own views of this blog. LOL)

anyway, since two months has passed, my feelings have diluted, it's not longer the intense feelings i felt when i wrote the entry. as of now, K and I are still wonderful friends of mine, i would go out with them as they are now officially dating. i know myself much better now compared to previously. it's about being able to let go and not get affected easily over matters, thus saving myself from suffering or pain. well, the pain was felt, but then now, there is no point holding on to pain. i'm just appreciating the friendship that both K and I have extended to me. may each of them find their own happiness.